I've told her everything... She got pissed..

But to me i think it's for good.. But i swear it really did hurt me as well.. It was so hard for me to say all those things..

I thought i could just get over you baby, but i see that's something i just can't do, from the way you would hold me, to the sweet things you told me, i just can't find a way to let go off you...

I've been hiding all my feelings.. But i can't run away from all the facts.. It's not that i didnt care or i purposely show you that i didn't care.. I just don't know what to do.. If i were to go on like this it will just simply kill me.. Please understand how i feel.. I've never want this to happen.. Oh god, i just feel like crying again ah.. By saying things it just never be able to explain how much pain i had just to tell her how i feel..

Now i hate myself for hurting her..

But i guess all good things have to come to an end.. Nothing is sweet.. I'd rather be alone now.. Just work and work and work.. FUCK MYSELF!

HMMMMM...

Started my ROTA shift already.. ROTA 3!

hahaha.. Went for my first turn out last night.. RTA.. one dead.. i was scared siol!!! But after awhile it was alright la...

Anyway, i've decided i should move on slowly la.. Afterall i've been observing since everything happened... It will come to an end where by we'll go our seperate ways.. So yep.. STAY HAPPY MATT! hahaha..

Hmmm... Next month must go book my bike pract already... I've got no choice thats why i didnt booked this mth.. CAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND THIS!? haha...

K la.. nothing much to write.. went to the hospital today to see farhan.. stayed there the whole day.. Then his parents fetched me back.. So now i'm home bathed! Planning to sleep soon.. NO MONEY TO BUY CIGG!!! STRESS AH!!! HAHA!

LOVE? FUCK LOVE!

HOKAY!!! I STAYED HOME THE WHOLE FREAKING DAY!!! I was bored till i didn't know what to do.. So i cooked my own lunch and dinner...!!!

I SWEAR!!! I miss her like hell.. I just can never forget about it.. I thought i could but it's fucking hard.. The more things gets harder between us.. The more i'm in love with her.. Oh god..I'm seriously falling for her.. How?? I CANNOT.. I can't put myself in so much.. I'll be the one to be hurt in the end.. I know what's gonna come to an end already... It's like i want all this to end.. But it's so HARD to let go!!!!!! How? God, tell me how.. please...

It's like to me now i really need to find things to distract me from thinking about her.. Like getting a actual girlfriend or so.. Or date someone else.. Either that or i just work like hell... That's all i can think lord.. I can tell everyone what to do.. Why is so that i can't talk myself into doing??? WHY!?

Haiyo.. It's harder then what i expect.. When i know that they were out together.. My heart hurts.. It hurts like hell.. HEARTPAIN!!!!!

that's all.. =((

I've been lazy to blog till recently..

Many people around me have problems.. I can talk to them.. Wake them up.. But who's gonna talk to me??

I just don't understand why am i doing all this things. All this things of my love life. She'll NEVER leave him. I can say whatever i want. I can feel whatever i want. I can't say it doesn't bother me at all. BUT IT DOES. It hurts. It really does. Oh god, it's like i know whats gonna happen in the end. Yet, i'm putting myself into this. Why is it so? Now i don't even understand myself. It's already a precise answer to everything. No good will come to an end. Is this really love? Please lord, guide me through.

Tell me what to do. She told me that she felt that isn't fair for me. To me, nothing is fair. It's just that i think i really love her. Just that things will never happen. Many times i want to tell her we should just remain as friends. But i don't have the heart to say this. I don't want anything change in this. But this will never happen. There MUST be an answer at the end of the day. Which is we'll be going on our seperate paths. No one can stop that. As this is the fact.

I might appear strong in me. But i'm just as weak as any other human beings hence i do have feelings. I just feel that she's so far away and yet so near. I'm all confused. I'm all confused. Nothing is perfect. Nothing is fair. But to me, there are answers to all this. Why is that so.. Why is it not perfect and not fair. There must be something that made it this way. The most happy day so far for this year is still the 14th February. Everything was so fine.

This is already the past to me. I've made up my mind of being all by myself for now. I give up on this. I don't want to go any further. I just want her to know, everything i did, i did it for her. It all came out from my heart. Whatever i've said, it's all true. It's nothing like sweet talking. Good bye my love.